joys
sorrows
exhilarations
pains (some heartaches can even can take your breath away)
fulfillments
disappointments
~Just to name a few.
For a while now I've been out of sorts and disconnected, estranged from my life as crazy as it may sound. But the one thing that has remained a constant is my God is faithful!! Today I renewed a commitment (loyalty: devotion or dedication, for example, to a cause, person or relationship).
To fully persue Him at any cost, which now means that I must give up those things that have taken His rightful place in my heart and my life. The clutter that has crept in and choked out my passion, dreams, and fire. I mean sure it would be easy just to continue to remain stagnant and tepid. To harden my heart to the Holy Spirit relentless attempts to shake me from my slumber.
To remain lackadaisical in my Christian walk that renders me powerless and ineffective in any attempt to impact the world for my precious Savior who gave so much to see me change my sphere of influence for His glory.
You see, now that I am aware of what the problem is, I now become accountable to change what has been revealed to me. Knowing that you have a problem is the easy part but CHANGING the problem that's the hard part. I then have to avert energy and time into the uncomfortable, messy, and painful process of construction.
Allowing God the access road into the deep, hidden, and innermost places of our hearts can be very uncomfortable because even though He wants to change us for His glory (and because He loves us) we still are faced with the ugliness of our sin and it's nature in us.
Many Christians get so prideful (see Matthew 7 ) always judging everyone around them and counting out their neighbor's flaws because it's just to painful to search their own heart and allow God to do the heart surgery He desperately longs to do in each one of us if we'd only sign the consent forms.
We then are vunerable to the enemy's attacks of bitterness and unforgiveness that are dams that block the mighty gushing rivers of His healing flood from being poured in our lives.
So these past few days I have went through the painful process of seaching my heart and crying out to my God to show me where I am falling short and missing the mark.
And in His mercy and with His grace and by His unfailing love ever so softly He gently whispers, "I miss you terribly just come and rest a while with me. You have been running around back and forth doing, doing, doing that you have pushed me out and away. Just come and sit a while. you and Me."
WOW!!! I know to some of you you are like well "Duh! yea, ya gotta spend time with Him" and in my head I know what I gotta do but my heart had gotten stoney and hardened, so weighed down by the weight of obligations and responsibilities with duties and with routines of LIFE that I was missing the most important thing RELATIONSHIP!
I mean don't get me wrong I was doing good things, godly things but had gotten caught up in a "Martha lifestyle" Some of you women know what I mean. We get so busy caring for everyone and planning and making sure that things run smoothly that we grow bitter and cold because we see all the sacrifices that we are making and then we look over only to find Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus and she looks like she is not doing anything just wasting precious time that she could be using to help us. When what we because of our resentment and in anger fail to realize is that she is doing the most important thing of all growing in her RELATIONSHIP.
Luke 10:38-42- 38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. 40But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" 41"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, 42but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."
Now we have to make sure things are getting done we can't just chuck it all away and not do anything for the kingdom of God, however, we need that balance of service and relationship. I had allowed the cares of this world to choke out my relationship with the only one that can and will sustain me. I had in a sense cut off my lifeline and was dying on the vine.
So I will do what I know to do~ ask for forgivness and then move on. Because God is faithful and just He will forgive, restore, and redeem.
Precious Father,
Thank You that you hear the desparate cries of your children
I have missed You and I don't want to miss out on another second of time spent with You
Take this broken life and use it to bring You glory
Restore to me the joy of my salvation and renew a right spirit within me
I desire to be an empty vessel that is filled with Your unfailing love that when my life is poured out into others it affects them in a Mighty and Powerful way for You!
All my love
In Jesus Name~
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