What's in a Name?

Have you ever wondered about a name? How someone came about it or what thought went into it or even what a name says about the person or product it represents? Did you realize that we have a physical reaction when we hear a name... either good or well...

I have been thinking about the importance of a name and how a even persons very destiny can be attached to it. 

Think for a moment about some names you know....
Michael Jackson...









Marilyn Monroe...












Anna Nicole Smith...













I don't know about you but for me with each name above there is a kind of tragedy... So much sadness attached to those names.

Now what about these:
Walt Disney...












Steve Jobs...










Albert Einstein...












Automatically we are prone to feeling success and happiness associated with these names. Why?

It's because your legacy is attached to your name. So what is your name saying about you? What legacy are you penning out on the tablets of the hearts closest to you everyday? What about those in your realm of influence? How do the people around you react when they hear the very mention of your name?

I have been thinking so much about this this lately...

When my husband and I found out we were expecting another child so soon after the loss of our Samuel Joseph (Samuel-God has heard & Joseph-God will add) we were filled with joy but at the same time fearful to lose again... Those of you that have ever been through this kind of loss know the fear I am talking about. However, the one thing we knew is that we had to name this precious life that God placed within my womb with purpose and destiny. So our search began... When I was close to 5 months we had a horrible scare with our baby girl- I hemorrhaged and my husband rushed me to the hospital where tests were ran and I was ordered to bed rest laying flat for the next several days. It was as if we were holding our breath for the days that followed. We called everyone we knew to pray for this baby within my womb. God answered our prayers and protected the fragile life inside my body and we knew that this little girl I carried was a miracle. We named her Abigail Eliana (Abigail- my Father rejoices & Eliana- God has answered me).

I know some people will be cynical and balk at this blog chalking it up to nonsense or fanaticism but I know what life has held for me and I know where I came from. I know who I once was and I have seen transformation and rebirth through my own personal life and the life of my husband.  II Corinthians 5:17 says, "For if a man belongs to Christ, he is a new person. The old life is gone. New life has begun".


I think back at times to that girl from my past, not to dwell on her but to remind her that she isn't wounded and broken like  she once was but that everyday she awakens is a new day of redemption. That each day I am given the opportunity to live my life now and live it with the richness and the fullness of His restoring power. 

I think back to the preparation of my wedding day and how I struggled with feeling like an unworthy bride for my soon to be husband. Many nights I would cry and feel like he deserved someone pure. That I was somehow cheating him out of God's best offering of a snow white bride. I was really struggling internally almost to the point of letting him go.

I remember coming to church one morning after I had spent the weekend searching high and low for the perfect wedding dress for our day. Every time I put on that white dress and looked into the mirror I felt ashamed and so very unworthy to wear it. I had given up and come to the conclusion that my next search would be for a cream or off white dress. As I was going to church I continued to wrestle intensely. I went inside with a smile on my face and pretended things were "fine".

After the service, a very dear and precious lady (that had taken me under her wing and had been mentoring me) approached me she hugged me tightly and whispered softly into my ear the following words, "God wanted me to tell you to get the white dress for your wedding day for He has washed you white as snow. The person you once were exists no longer, it's time to let her go and step into your place as the beautiful bride that you are."  At that very moment I broke into a thousand little pieces and sobbed as this precious lady held me and prayed for me. I cannot even begin to explain to you the peace and healing that washed over me in those next several moments.

Looking back it was in that very moment I came to the realization that a sovereign holy God changed this broken child's name. It was in that very moment on on that very day I finally realized it. There have been bursts of those moments in the years that have followed that has given me hope, healing, and unfailing love. The kind of love that takes a woman broken into a million pieces and begins to transform her into a beautiful mosaic masterpiece.

My prayer for you precious one is that you too would come to know this unfailing love and redemption.

My name means: "Bringer of glad tidings" & "Lively" and this is what I pray to be every morning God blesses me with a brand new day.


Father God,
I pray that you would be the changer of our names that we would allow you to mold and shape our destinies. That we would get out of the way and allow those past burdens to roll off we would release every name that has been spoken over us out of hurt and every name that the enemy has used to tear us down.
Restore our hearts O Lord.
In Jesus Mighty and precious name
~Amen 

BTW~ My husband's name means: God will save me & God is exhalted. Our oldest daughter's name means: Innocent, holy, & honorable and our son's name means: Lightbringer & Fire of the Lord.


This is a song my husband sings and it brings tears to my eyes every time. Listen to the lyrics:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

God IS in control

WOW! It has been a while since I have had time to throw my thoughts down... too long!

So much has changed and happened in our lives over the past several months but the constant unchanging thing is that GOD IS IN CONTROL!!! Always!

I have had ups and I have had downs lately but I rest in knowing that God has me close to His heart and that though the winds may rage and the oceans roar He is near and ever faithful. I have learned and gleaned so much over these past several months.

One thing is that I had not realized how much trust and weight I placed in people, in their words, their promises, their titles and positions. God has placed people into our lives to speak to us, love us, and challenge us. However, when we put any human being before God it is idolatry plain and simple. Idolatry is described as the worship of a physical object as God and immoderate attachment or devotion to something. Now many people get this image in their heads when they hear this word:

And although this is true- there are many things we can allow to creep into our daily lives and become idols in our hearts: our children, our work, our pastor(s), friends, television, sports, money, clothes, looking "good", church, and the list could go on.

We all can get lost in our human flaws and become caught up in allowing our relationship with God to grow cold while we feel that we are "doing" all the right things. After all that church service was
"anointed" right? Too many times we can find ourselves going to church every time the doors open but coming home empty and longing. Why? Idolatry.

We aren't making our relationship with the Lord a priority. We are depending on the pastor, the praise team, the multi-media team and the children's ministry to do the work for us that we ourselves should be doing on our own. I am not preaching at you friends, I am in the boat with you. It is our responsibility on a daily basis to build and grow, to protect, and nurture our personal relationship with our Lord and to help encourage our husbands and children to do the same. God has so much more for us than our box and human limitations tell us.

We need to get into His word DAILY, to fall on our knees and share our heart with Him DAILY,  make Him a DAILY part of our lives.

I am so thankful God has given us pastors (I am blessed with the best Pastor), husbands (I have been given one with a heart of gold) , children (they are my sweetest treasures), friends (I wouldn't trade them for anything-ever) and so much more. I cherish everybody God has placed in my life daily BUT it is all for nothing if HE isn't #1 before everything and everybody.

He longs for us to come away with Him and spend a few precious moments with Him. My prayer for you precious friend is that you evaluate your time and ask yourself if He is first.  Matthew 22:37~ Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.This is the first and greatest commandment.

~ Sowing Seeds for the Harvest ~

Life has been awkward and quirky lately. We are all trying to settle in and are having a season of restlessness. We recently took a vacation to get back together after the fall business had set in and we were all scrambling to cling together while life was pulling us in every direction. Funny how even the best of things can do that to a family.

                                                         

So we all loaded up the mini van and away we went to the mountains. No we didn't get a miracle cure for our problems or challenges but we did get precious moments together that we can store up in our heart's treasury to pull from when we are all going through tough times. Memories that will make our hearts smile when life is zooming lemons at us.

                                                            

Before our trip I had begun to get in a rut again (my Pastor defines a rut as a grave with the ends knocked out). I was really beginning to lose heart and depression had begun to settle in.

I know for a lot of stay at home moms this is really quite common place, although taboo to talk about. Maybe it's a pride thing or maybe it's the incredible need for perfection. I am not sure. Whatever the reason the isolation and silence was killing me daily. I had lost my spark, my passion, my hunger, my light was dim and my resolve gone. 

                                                           

I thank God daily for a husband that has truly sacrificed by marrying me. His unconditional selfless love has truly at times saved my life. He sees past my walls and loves me past my stubbornness and I would be half a person without him. My kids are so resilient and strong it amazes me to see them blossom into beautiful individuals perfect not by a long shot but growing daily into who God wants them to be.

So while on our journey to get back to each other I realized that with all my buzzing around, my to do lists, my obligations I had nugged MY relationship with the Lord out of the way. No I wasn't backsliden. I still went to church and did devotions daily. But my heart had slipped away from my first love and as a result it affected every relationship in my life. I was negative and angry. Quick to judge and slow to listen to others. I had little or no compassion. Everything frustrated me. I was miserable. And you know the old sayings , "When momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy"  or "happy wife happy life". 

The funny thing about a homeschooling family is you are around each other 24/7. You know everything about one another. There is no escape lol.... Yes, that is a perk but it is also at times a thorn. We want to grow together #1 in our walk with God and #2 in our walk with one another but there are those times in each one of our lives when we shouldn't be under the same roof together, lol. There are those times you just need to get a breath. Re-evaluate. Reflect. Redirect.  

So we were able to make up lost ground and take back some valuable and desperately needed family time.

I think the biggest lessons that I learned, once again, is 1) that God's grace is much bigger than my failures and His love covers a multitude of sins. 2) I am harder on myself than others are on me. 3) That we must teach our children forgiveness by asking for it and extending it ourselves. 4) That it is never too late to start over again and that family truly is forever!!! 

Days Gone By.....

I sit and yet no words come
I try and yet it is never enough
I yearn for those days when life made perfect sense
and my heart was full of lighter things.

Today is one of those days when I am trying to analyze this life I have been given. I know in my heart beyond words that I am blessed beyond measure but sometimes the undercurrent of my mind seems to want to pull me. I have tried to walk around and ignore it but how does one ignore a 10 ton elephant in the room? The weight seems crushing and in moments unbearable as I live day after day under the burden of it.

I know I have alot of responsiblity on me and I pray by being honest about my pains and struggles it just may help someone out there that is struggling under the same weight. I can not live another day pretending like life is fabulous even though it is by all logical explaination. I think when your a Christain and especially in a strong church setting it is easy to go through motions and pretend like nothing is broken but that would be living in a daily state of deceit and lies. It is only the Truth that sets you free and it is only when we admit our weaknesses that He is made strong.

I have felt like a hamster on a wheel for some time now running and running but never making any progress and isolated as well sometimes by my choice and sometimes by the choices of others, whom may find my strong personality a bit much to be around. Although I am not delusional and know that my flaws are many too long to list, it is this personality that has gotten me through some really dark places in life. Sadly it is this personality that has cut me off from many people around me for whatever reason I tend to "rub people the wrong way".

I am a survivor... I am a thriver... I know what God's Word says about me and I believe it. But there are hard times in all of our lives and there are crossroads that we all face. I am facing some serious decisions in my life right now and now more than ever I need His wisdom and the wisdom of wise godly counsil. I have worn myself out trying to fit in and belong where I am not welcomed and I can no longer keep up with the "Jones" or the world system especially being a Christian.

I see too many good families decieved thinking they can have the best of both worlds but Jesus was clear when He said "No one can serve two masters..." The one that truly has your heart will win out. Sadly, it is the world for many... The system is more than money and possesions. The devils only mission,which he is dedicated to with everything to the point of being banned forever to eternal damnation, is to steal,kill, and destroy.

That includes separating fathers and mothers hearts from the hearts of their children and children's hearts from their fathers and mothers. It includes dividing churches and leaders within those churches by offenses, by pride, and by politics. It includes pitting friend against friend and family member against family member.  I want to look back at my life and have no regrets, no sorrow in my heart for things left undone or for things that should've been. Above all I wanna be REAL.

Father,
Thank You so very much that even in my most unlovable state that you still love me
that even though I know better and miss the mark You still guide me
that in my stubborness and bitterness Your arms still reach for me
and help me in those moments of weakness when I want to lay down and
surrender to my selfishness and when I my desires are less than what You'd want for my life.
I thank You that Your love never fails that You never give up on me even when I have given up on myself.

Change this heart and turn my eyes towards You again. Get my focus to be upon the things that
are eternal. Be my strength and help me to lay down hurt, pride, and bitterness, and put on LOVE.
You truly are my all in all, my everything, my joy, my hope, my future, my very life.
Draw me to Yourself and bring me back to my first love.
Your daughter always and forevermore

~Letting Go~

"Letting Go"
Those have to be for me anyway two of the hardest words I have uttered from my lips or thought in my heart. They have a sort of finalization to them don't they? Like a "never again" ring. For those of  you like myself who tend to cling with every fiber of being to familiarity they can be pretty scary.

I remember when I had to 'let go' of my Mamaw that was one of the hardest days of my life. She was an anchor in my life and I couldn't imagine how my life would be without her in it. I miss her enormously still but I live with the daily hope that one day we will meet again and I am flooded with countless memories of home cooked meals and endless hugs. Of summer sleepovers with He-Haw, Jiffy-pop,  and late nights with Chiller theater... I can hear her laughter fill the room sometimes and see her gentle smile that made my child's heart feel such warmth. She has taught me that love has no limits and family is everything. Even after 13 years I am still 'letting go'....

God's desire isn't that we would hold on but to "let go", to trust Him and know that when we jump He will be there arms extended to catch us.

I think that when we've had little or no control over the things that has happened in our lives especially as children or teens our tendency is to do our very best to make sure we control every detail of every day in our lives not out of a rigidness but out of fear. The fear that now that I am older I will make sure that no one can hurt me again, but I have learned in doing that sometimes it backfires. I am starting to get it that people are people there are no perfect people out there there just aren't and no matter how bad you want them to live up to your expectations they are always going to let you down at some point because of their limitations as human beings. Now I am not saying I want to be a puppet master that would be crazy but sometimes if they could just listen to me and do what I want them to do then hey the world would function right again... Right?!   Hmmmm..... wrong! One of these days, when the time is right,  I will blog about why I am so mixed up and crazy, lol. But for now I will chalk it up for my need to hold onto with every fiber in my being some since of in my brain anyway normalcy. Which is crazy because if I had all the answers then I wouldn't need Jesus and I know that I need Him today more than ever!!! That He is my Anchor and my Safety when life is good and when life is not so good. 

"Letting Go" can symbolize freedom and liberty beyond our earthly comprehension! So... I'm going to take a deep breath, exhale, and LET GO!!!!! What about you?

Oh and I aways cherish those moments when the kids get the family albums out and we look though all the photos and tell them all about their great-Mamaw! <3 

Restless Sheep....BAAAAAAAAAAA

Lately I've been so distant and discombobulated I haven't been able to focus and have wanted to curl up under my rock and be alone. It's an all too familiar feeling to me, I used to do exactly that many years ago but usually I'd take a run away from home.

I started running away from home around 14 years old. No my parents didn't beat me quite the contrary they were everything I could have asked for in parents. Looking back now I wasn't running from a horror at home but one in my heart. From the time I could remember I was dissatisfied with myself... with thoughts like I'm not pretty enough, smart enough, witty enough, good enough....





Basically I didn't think deep down inside my heart that I was worth anything of value really.

I know now after being a Christian for the past 12 years it was the enemy that started on me at a very young age feeding my heart with lies and deception. I went to vbs and sunday school sometimes but it never passed from my head into my heart. My husband says the distance from heaven to hell is about 18 inches which is the measured space from ones head to their heart. I believe that to be a fact today. I lived to much of my life trapped in my mind of lies and untruths about myself that no matter what people would tell me it never pierced my heart. Being a mother now I think back to how agonizing it must have been for my mother to watch this child she had carried in her womb and nurtured so tenderly wrestle with such hatred of herself as I had. I know now that the enemy's plan was to kill me and any chance of leaving a legacy of faith behind.

I can remember those middle school years of awkwardness and never feeling that I quite belonged anywhere really. I mean I laughed and had friends but never felt like they'd miss me if I vanished. Then moving into high school was even worse, the desire to feel love and acceptance seemed to leave me paralyzed when I was around my peers so much so that I would do anything desperate to be so. To the point of self mutilation(cutting and burning myself) and self destruction. I wish I could talk to the girl I was then and tell her the wisdom I've learned these past 20 years. To hold her face in my hands and let her know how very valuable she really was, but we all know that is not possible. So something even better I get to do that with my own children and the kids that God has placed in my life. It's amazing what God does when he restores our hearts and sends us out to make a difference.

It's also amazing to me how long it takes for Truth to settle in you and take up residence. It is such a process this walk of faith that I have embarked on over a decade ago and sometimes that girl I knew myself as before comes flooding through so vividly. Yes we are suppose to cast our past off and move on but when you have been through the fire of life as I have it isn't as simple as it sounds. For those of you that have arrived I commend you,seriously no sarcasm intended, but for some of us that have survived the horrors of trama and abuse it takes time and our journey of healing is a process at times a very slow painful one. Yes I do believe with all my heart the God can do a quick work and deliver but in my case He has used the messes of my life to be a message of hope and restoration to others around me that need to hear. It would be nice to put our past in a neat little box and tuck it away so that when people look at us they don't see anything but someone that is all put together beautifully. But to be honest life doesn't work like that we are broken people living in a fallen world, that's why we needed a Savior. If we could save ourselves we wouldn't have ended up where we were/are. I know that the struggles I am having today are a direct result of the traumas I have lived through. Life is such a cycle of ups and downs and curves and slopes and hills and valleys, it's enough to make anybody run for cover somewhere- anywhere but in the midst of it all. I guess it makes me feel better to ramble and vent and type it all out because I know that somewhere out there is somebody facing the pains and the struggles that I am facing and if I can encourage you to hang on, to push through, to trust that no matter where you find yourself in this moment at this place in time that as long as you still have breath in your body you have HOPE!   

“Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

^{2 Corinthians 5:17} This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun! ¹⁸ And all of this is a gift from God, who brought us back to himself through Christ. And God has given us this task of reconciling people to him. ¹⁹ For God was in Christ, reconciling the world to himself, no longer counting people’s sins against them. And he gave us this wonderful message of reconciliation. ²⁰ So we are Christ’s ambassadors; God is making his appeal through us. We speak for Christ when we plead, “Come back to God!"
 

A Daughter's Heart is in Her Daddy's Hands.

 “It is a wise father who knows his own child.”

 -William Shakespeare

"A man's children and his garden both reflect the amount of weeding done during the growing season."~ Anonymous

What can I say but "WOW!", my heart overflows as I try to type into words what my heart longs to express. To see our two beautiful daughters all dressed up tonight anticipating to spend some time with their father brought my heart such joy, words fall so short to express.

“Certain is it that there is no kind of affection so purely angelic as of a father to a daughter. In love to our wives there is desire; to our sons, ambition; but to our daughters there is something which there are no words to express.” ~Joseph Addison

"It doesn't matter who my father was; it matters who I remember he was."

I really think our culture fails to acknowledge the powerful effect that a father has on his children and how extremely vital he is in their lives. It hurts my heart to see so many without a godly father influence in their lives. I know there are circumstances beyond one's control and many times it cannot be helped and to all my single mother friends I commend you all and give you a HUGE heart hug I know how hard you ladies are working to pull it all together and lead your families I love you ladies!! <3

Fathers hold a place in their little girl's hearts that can never be filled by any earthly person! That's why it is so extremely vitally important to have time set aside for them. YOU are their world. I don't say that in the sense that they don't need mothers because let's face it we are needed too! But girl's look up to their dads to protect and provide in ways we can't. They long from a very young age to be accepted and completely loved by their daddy. You are the key to their future dads! How you treat them now will determine what kind of man they will marry some day. It will also affect how they view their Heavenly Father.

Children base their view of God on their relationship with their dad. Is he kind or hateful, loving or distant, humble or arrogant, compassionate or cold, does he accept me just as I am flaws and all or is he judgmental and constantly criticizing me and putting me down.   

I can't express enough the opportunity that fathers have right in front of them and I am not putting any father down I know there is a lot of weight and responsibility that you guys carry around daily and sometimes it seems so hard to bear but God must have thought you could handle it because he has placed you as the head of your household and the priest of your home. I don't blog this to tear you down or criticize you dads but to lift you up and encourage you to be what you were destined to be in Christ Jesus.  You have such an awesome and unique responsibility to your children, especially your daughter(s). You can influence them in ways no one else could ever. There are endless opportunities to teach, to laugh, to equip, and to love! Don't let those moments pass you by for they will never come around again. In the blink of an eye they are "all grown up" and on their own. Cherish the present moments for it is only the here and now that we are given as a guarantee.

“Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father!”

Crying out!

Psalm 34:¹⁷ The righteous cry out, and the LORD hears them;he delivers them from all their troubles.
Psalm 55:¹⁷ Evening, morning and noon I cry out in distress, and he hears my voice.
Psalm 57: ² I cry out to God Most High, to God, who vindicates me.
Psalm 84:² My soul yearns, even faints, for the courts of the LORD; my heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.

When most people think of crying out they think of yelling and pleading their case out loud for the whole world to hear and I understand that. I've even been guilty of doing that very thing before,many times. But there is one thing we need to consider the next time we've felt wronged or mistreated or snubbed by someone at church (yes even there) or been given a bad report and are angry or even having problems at home with your husband and/or kids. Although it is OK to be upset about it; What good does it do to go before people and pour out our woes? To empty EVERYTHING out before them...

Consider this what can man do to help? Yes they can listen and even give advice both good and bad but consider something carefully... Can they fix your problem?  I am not saying it is wrong to have a friend to confide in and tell your secrets to, I have my husband. But God the Creator of the Universe and King of our hearts desires to listen to you to be your confidant. It seems so natural and easy to go before Him and ask Him for this and that and then some. But we were created for so much more than that. We God created us in His image it was to fellowship with Him, to communion and dine with Him daily. Not just rush in quickly then rush out as if we were going to some doctor's appointment or standing in line waiting for santa at the mall.

Why not just first go before the King of kings and the Lord of lords and pour out your heart before Him. Take every part of your heart to be laid out before Him exposed and vulnerable. I know that involves risk it involves being real with Him but let's face it we can't hide from Him He already knows every detail He's just waiting on us to come to Him. You see when we take that step and move towards God then we give our permission for Him to move towards us. We are yielding to Him and inviting Him into our situation to speak life, to give us an answer, to be our shoulder. Now, is there always going to be an instant answer to the things we face, is God just going to wave a magic wand and make it all disappear...  NO WAY but when we let go and stop holding on when we give it to Him and don't wallow in the mud and pull other people into the mud with us something beautiful happens.... He makes all things new. 

It may or may not look the way you think it should look but just know something deep inside your knower GOD KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT HE'S DOING!!!  He has it under control and has a plan for exactly what is happening. TRUST HIM even when it's the hardest thing you'll ever do.

Sept 2009 This was the begining of our homeschool journey~

When I can't sleep I typicallly journal and recently I thought about blogging but lately I can't find the time So I will jot down a few notes....

As many of our family and friends know my husband and I decided with alot of prayers,tears,and fears it was best for our family to homeschool our kids. Now I am NOT your typical mother, but the things I am most passionate about are my God and my Family! This has been an enormous process and journey for us and not one I or my husband have entered into lightly or without alot of prayer and consideration. I have jumped back and forth but know beyond a shadow of a doubt I was born for this (my husband loves to tell me almost daily). There are many things that have led us down this path and for each family whatever the choice~ it is just that your personal choice. That is the beauty, God will not force anyone to do anything, it has to be our own personal decision. I know that this is the best and the right decision for us. One that has great sacrifice and responsibility attached to it. This has been our first full week of homeschool and although it has been the best week of my life thus far it has also been one full of fear,frustration,joy,passion,destiny, and weariness but I will NOT faint and I will NOT turn back because I know in Whose I am and the One that has ordainded this since before the begining of time will see us through. I could have never imagined my life as it is today - I am truely in AWE- not of myself but of my Creator.

As a parent, I hold my children's lives in my hands (along with my spouse). My purpose is to be the "heart-shaper" of my family. My husband is the Provider and the Protector and I am the Nuturer and the Stability because lets face it ladies if somthing is off kilter with mom then the whole house is out of sync. I have the duty and reponsibility to teach,equip ,and Love my children like no one else in the world can do. I have the ability to build up or to tear down the heart of my children with one look or one word. I am beginning to realize these truths daily as I spend more time with my kids. Sometimes it is the most beautiful thing next to them being born but sadly there are those times when it stings my heart to the core and leaves me breathless. In those painful times, I take the hard lessons and use them to give God the glory and my children act in a realm of resilience and forgiveness I have never before seen(Matt.18:3). Then I can truely see His plan unfolding within our family. The way we were perfectly knitted together, the way God placed us with each other is a love story in itself ~God living,breathing,moving inside of each one of us~to be living stones of His love (1 Peter 2:4-5).
Well, there is no greater love than a man lay down his life for his friends(thank you Jesus).....or a father and mother for their children.

I think my biggest fear was thinking I could never do it that I would surely fail because some many things in my life had been messed up by my own hands. But as God delt with my heart and changed my preception that I can do this (Phil 4:13) and he has already equiped me (Heb 13:20-21) to do this I had to believe it my self and just be obedient to His prompting and call upon my life.

2 Samuel 22: 35 & Psalm 18:34 He trains my hands for battle; my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

What these scriptures confirm in me is that whatever I am called by God to be or to do(teach,dance,minister,write,love,honor) He will always give me the ability to follow through and do everything with His excellence pouring out through me!!

There will always be skeptics or people that offer little or no support but as long as we seek and trust God then what people think doesn't really affect what I know God says. There has been some that have supported us full force, some that eventually jumped on board and then some that will never agree but that's ok with us. We are at our GO POINT~NOW and we are LETTING GO, JUMPING OFF, and TRUSTING GOD! We are living in our destiny!

SOME QUOTES:
If we all did the things we are capable of doing, we would literally astound ourselves.
~ Thomas Edison

Childhood is not preparation for adulthood - it is a part of life.

Cowardice asks the question: is it safe?
Expediency asks the question: is it politic?
Vanity asks the question: is it popular?
But conscience asks the question: is it right? And there comes a time when one must take a position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular - but one must take it because it's right.
~ Martin Luther King Jr.


WE LEARN NOT FOR SCHOOL,
BUT FOR LIFE.

I never teach my pupils. I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn.
~ Albert Einstein

The greatest enemy of the excellent is the good.

Nobody is bored when he is trying to make something that is beautiful, or to discover something that is true.

The principle goal of education is to create men who are capable of doing new things, not simply of repeating what other generations have done.

Too often we give children answers to remember rather than problems to solve.

You will not reap the fruit of individuality in your children if you clone their education.

Nobody rises to low expectations.

What we want to see is the child in pursuit of knowledge,
not knowledge in pursuit of the child.

Education
is not
the filling
of a pail,
but the lighting
of a fire.

The highest reward for a person's toil is not what they get for it, but what they become by it.

An education isn't how much you have committed to memory, or even how much you know. It's being able to differentiate between what you do know and what you don't.

thoughts from 2/12/10

Many things have been weighing heavy on my heart and my mind and I am the type of person that likes to keep things to myself and not "burden" or "impose" on others (even those closest). I know that we all have our share of responsibilities to carry and then some. Lately I have been overwhelmed and at times feel like I could implode, some of you know exactly what I mean. Those of us that carry and long to nurture and protect others sometimes do it at the cost of wearing down ourselves as well as those in closest proxemity (for me~ my husband and kids). When I say wear down I mean that when you give and give and give of yourself esp. when you in a position of leadership and/or ministry then you come home empty and with nothing left to give to the people that hold the dearest and most sacred places in your heart. They get the leftovers from your day,week,or month. I feel as many women(and men) do, that I am juggling so many plates and at any minute another will be tossed onto the stack and cause the whole lot to crumble and come crashing to the ground. So what is the cure simple yet in today's fast paced life sometimes the most difficult....to be still and Know that He is God:

I need to remember this Psalm (song) when I am weary,thirsty,worn out,burnt out, angry,confused, weighed down by troubles and cares,rejected,offended,rageful,depressed,haunted by my past,feeling unworthy and forgotten, under appreciated and lost, detatched and separated:


Psalm 46

1 God is our refuge and strength,
always ready to help in times of trouble.
2 So we will not fear when earthquakes come
and the mountains crumble into the sea.
3 Let the oceans roar and foam.
Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge!
Interlude

4 A river brings joy to the city of our God,
the sacred home of the Most High.
5 God dwells in that city; it cannot be destroyed.
From the very break of day, God will protect it.
6 The nations are in chaos,
and their kingdoms crumble!
God’s voice thunders,
and the earth melts!
7 The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us;
the God of Israel[b] is our fortress.
Interlude


8 Come, see the glorious works of the Lord:
See how he brings destruction upon the world.
9 He causes wars to end throughout the earth.
He breaks the bow and snaps the spear;
he burns the shields with fire.

10 “Be still, and know that I am God!
I will be honored by every nation.
I will be honored throughout the world.”

11 The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us;
the God of Israel is our fortress.
Interlude


May you be encouraged and strengthened you Mighty Warriors of the Faith and May God's unfailing Love wash over you refresh you and restore you daily that you may be all that He knows and created you to be!!!!!!

THIS DAY WE FIGHT!!!!
FREEDOM!!!!!!!!!!

The Ripple Effect~ 3/25/10

Well, not sure where I wanna go with this or even what I want to say but I just need to pour out my heart to my friends right now.

Just feeling a bit overwhelmed and saddened lately- grief has a way of doing that. I think that for me anyway, and possibly for many others when there is a loss in a family it has a ripple effect in that it has a way of bringing back for a time all the other losses you have had down through the years. The recent loss of my father-in-law has brought back the loss of my nephew Caleb, and our own child Samuel,and my precious grandparents.

I have also been very heavy in my heart for some other things going on in many peoples lives very close to us as well. So I asked my husband on the way to church tonight if he's ever felt like he was trying to walk or run through life but your feet is stuck in cement?? I got a blank stare and a NO but that's how it's felt lately. Like I am trying to get things done to make things happen but I just can't make it where I want to go and get done what I want to do.

Then I am left frustrated and dissapointed and worn out. I am vunerable and feeling exposed and those of you that are close to me know that that is my greatest fear to be exposed or vunerable probably because for many many years people took advantage of that and abused that to the point that I shut EVERYBODY out, wanting no part of that. In doing that I became cold, calloused, and to a point manipulative. I was going to be sure that no one would ever have a chance to get close and to hurt me again- "get em before they get you" became my motto.

So as a result of this one ripple of life all these feelings, memories, and experiences of my life come flooding through. Like a dam has been opened all at once and I feel at times I may be swept away with the lot of it. As I pray and seek God for answers and strength He reminds me of James chapter 1:2-3

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance." And I think to myself 'Lord!! consider this JOY?! how!!!?? why!!!??' But God is ever so kind ,loving, and patient when His children are hurting and crying out to Him. It's like His arms wrap around me and He rocks me the way only a kind and loving parent can do. He whispers in that still small voice "Yes" and He reminds me of the struggles we had in the begining of my marriage when this frightened child of His was scared to death to give ALL of my life to the one that He had been faithful to bring into my life to share it with.

I was feeling vunerable, afraid, and exposed.The fight or flight mode would kick in, I had absolutely no idea how to love and allow myself to be truely loved by another human being because of my past and who I was because of it- BUT GOD is and has been faithful to heal and restore my heart , my life, my marriage and even though there is a long way to go we have truely come so very far already.


He is teaching me that grief is part of life but it is how I respond to that grief that will determine the direction I go in. It is OK to feel this way... it is OK to be right where I am at right in this moment! It is OK to allow myself to be vunerable because unlike before in my life the difference is that then I had no Rock to cling to I had NO root sytem- that then I was that tumbleweed being tossed to and fro so the reaction and the tools I had to cope and to deal were so very different than the ones I have NOW.

I have a Shelter now a Strong Tower a Refuge and a Fortress an Ever Present Help in times of trouble. James 1 goes onto say,"Perseverance MUST finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything." I am so glad so very thankful that at the end of this thing IN Christ Jesus I lack nothing!!!

I wanted to clear my heart and my mind and possibly encourge those of you that are struggling right now if you just feel as I do you are trying so very hard to get somewhere but when you try to place one foot in front of the other they just aren't moving anywhere. Whatever your struggle whatever the battle KNOW that there is a Rock there is a Place to hide a source of strength to draw from like nothing else this world has to offer.

There are many things that will try to pull us under to drown us when the dams in our lives break free but there is ONE that will rescue you,comfort you,and give you new hope in the battle. Not take everything magically away and not change the past so it did not exsist but restore,redeem,and reconcile that which was beyond restoration, redeemption, and reconciliation.

Heavenly Father,
You are the One who created me who wove me together and know every tear I have cried. You hold me within the palm of Your mighty hand. I thank you for keeping me when I cannot seem to find my way. Thank You for taking care of the smallest details of my life. Thank You Lord that You will navigate my life through this struggle that when I feel like I moving but making no proggress that You have my life timed out in Your perfect timing. Help me to lean on You to call upon You and to run to You regardless of my present feelings. I choose today to trust You and cast away any fear or doubt that the enemy would use to choke out the hope Jesus has already given to me. I know that perservence must finish it's work in me that when complete I will lack NOTHING in You!! Take this life and use it for Your Glory. In Jesus Name ~Amen.

~Proverbs 18: 10 The name of the LORD is a strong tower; the righteous run to it and are safe.
~Psalm 61 :1 O God, listen to my cry!
Hear my prayer!
2 From the ends of the earth,
I cry to you for help
when my heart is overwhelmed.
Lead me to the towering rock of safety,
3 for you are my safe refuge,
a fortress where my enemies cannot reach me.
4 Let me live forever in your sanctuary,
safe beneath the shelter of your wings!
~Psalm 46:1 God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.


Thank You ALL for your many prayers for our family during this time. Elisha just said the other day that he knows that it is those prayers that have carried him through one of the most bitter-sweet times of his life. You mean so much to us and we love you. <3

Martha vs. Mary~ 9/8/10

Life is full of many things~
joys
sorrows
exhilarations
pains (some heartaches can even can take your breath away)
fulfillments
disappointments
~Just to name a few.

For a while now I've been out of sorts and disconnected, estranged from my life as crazy as it may sound. But the one thing that has remained a constant is my God is faithful!! Today I renewed a commitment (loyalty: devotion or dedication, for example, to a cause, person or relationship).

To fully persue Him at any cost, which now means that I must give up those things that have taken His rightful place in my heart and my life. The clutter that has crept in and choked out my passion, dreams, and fire. I mean sure it would be easy just to continue to remain stagnant and tepid. To harden my heart to the Holy Spirit relentless attempts to shake me from my slumber.

To remain lackadaisical in my Christian walk that renders me powerless and ineffective in any attempt to impact the world for my precious Savior who gave so much to see me change my sphere of influence for His glory.

You see, now that I am aware of what the problem is, I now become accountable to change what has been revealed to me. Knowing that you have a problem is the easy part but CHANGING the problem that's the hard part. I then have to avert energy and time into the uncomfortable, messy, and painful process of construction.

Allowing God the access road into the deep, hidden, and innermost places of our hearts can be very uncomfortable because even though He wants to change us for His glory (and because He loves us) we still are faced with the ugliness of our sin and it's nature in us.

Many Christians get so prideful (see Matthew 7 ) always judging everyone around them and counting out their neighbor's flaws because it's just to painful to search their own heart and allow God to do the heart surgery He desperately longs to do in each one of us if we'd only sign the consent forms.

We then are vunerable to the enemy's attacks of bitterness and unforgiveness that are dams that block the mighty gushing rivers of His healing flood from being poured in our lives.

So these past few days I have went through the painful process of seaching my heart and crying out to my God to show me where I am falling short and missing the mark.

And in His mercy and with His grace and by His unfailing love ever so softly He gently whispers, "I miss you terribly just come and rest a while with me. You have been running around back and forth doing, doing, doing that you have pushed me out and away. Just come and sit a while. you and Me."

WOW!!! I know to some of you you are like well "Duh! yea, ya gotta spend time with Him" and in my head I know what I gotta do but my heart had gotten stoney and hardened, so weighed down by the weight of obligations and responsibilities with duties and with routines of LIFE that I was missing the most important thing RELATIONSHIP!

I mean don't get me wrong I was doing good things, godly things but had gotten caught up in a "Martha lifestyle" Some of you women know what I mean. We get so busy caring for everyone and planning and making sure that things run smoothly that we grow bitter and cold because we see all the sacrifices that we are making and then we look over only to find Mary sitting at the feet of Jesus and she looks like she is not doing anything just wasting precious time that she could be using to help us. When what we because of our resentment and in anger fail to realize is that she is doing the most important thing of all growing in her RELATIONSHIP.

Luke 10:38-42- 38 As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. 39She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord's feet listening to what he said. 40But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, "Lord, don't you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!" 41"Martha, Martha," the Lord answered, "you are worried and upset about many things, 42but only one thing is needed. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her."

Now we have to make sure things are getting done we can't just chuck it all away and not do anything for the kingdom of God, however, we need that balance of service and relationship. I had allowed the cares of this world to choke out my relationship with the only one that can and will sustain me. I had in a sense cut off my lifeline and was dying on the vine.

So I will do what I know to do~ ask for forgivness and then move on. Because God is faithful and just He will forgive, restore, and redeem.

Precious Father,
Thank You that you hear the desparate cries of your children
I have missed You and I don't want to miss out on another second of time spent with You
Take this broken life and use it to bring You glory
Restore to me the joy of my salvation and renew a right spirit within me
I desire to be an empty vessel that is filled with Your unfailing love that when my life is poured out into others it affects them in a Mighty and Powerful way for You!
All my love
In Jesus Name~