Monday, October 3, 2011

~ Sowing Seeds for the Harvest ~

Life has been awkward and quirky lately. We are all trying to settle in and are having a season of restlessness. We recently took a vacation to get back together after the fall business had set in and we were all scrambling to cling together while life was pulling us in every direction. Funny how even the best of things can do that to a family.


So we all loaded up the mini van and away we went to the mountains. No we didn't get a miracle cure for our problems or challenges but we did get precious moments together that we can store up in our heart's treasury to pull from when we are all going through tough times. Memories that will make our hearts smile when life is zooming lemons at us.


Before our trip I had begun to get in a rut again (my Pastor defines a rut as a grave with the ends knocked out). I was really beginning to lose heart and depression had begun to settle in.

I know for a lot of stay at home moms this is really quite common place, although taboo to talk about. Maybe it's a pride thing or maybe it's the incredible need for perfection. I am not sure. Whatever the reason the isolation and silence was killing me daily. I had lost my spark, my passion, my hunger, my light was dim and my resolve gone. 


I thank God daily for a husband that has truly sacrificed by marrying me. His unconditional selfless love has truly at times saved my life. He sees past my walls and loves me past my stubbornness and I would be half a person without him. My kids are so resilient and strong it amazes me to see them blossom into beautiful individuals perfect not by a long shot but growing daily into who God wants them to be.

So while on our journey to get back to each other I realized that with all my buzzing around, my to do lists, my obligations I had nugged MY relationship with the Lord out of the way. No I wasn't backsliden. I still went to church and did devotions daily. But my heart had slipped away from my first love and as a result it affected every relationship in my life. I was negative and angry. Quick to judge and slow to listen to others. I had little or no compassion. Everything frustrated me. I was miserable. And you know the old sayings , "When momma ain't happy ain't nobody happy"  or "happy wife happy life". 

The funny thing about a homeschooling family is you are around each other 24/7. You know everything about one another. There is no escape lol.... Yes, that is a perk but it is also at times a thorn. We want to grow together #1 in our walk with God and #2 in our walk with one another but there are those times in each one of our lives when we shouldn't be under the same roof together, lol. There are those times you just need to get a breath. Re-evaluate. Reflect. Redirect.  

So we were able to make up lost ground and take back some valuable and desperately needed family time.

I think the biggest lessons that I learned, once again, is 1) that God's grace is much bigger than my failures and His love covers a multitude of sins. 2) I am harder on myself than others are on me. 3) That we must teach our children forgiveness by asking for it and extending it ourselves. 4) That it is never too late to start over again and that family truly is forever!!!