Monday, July 11, 2011

~Letting Go~

"Letting Go"
Those have to be for me anyway two of the hardest words I have uttered from my lips or thought in my heart. They have a sort of finalization to them don't they? Like a "never again" ring. For those of  you like myself who tend to cling with every fiber of being to familiarity they can be pretty scary.

I remember when I had to 'let go' of my Mamaw that was one of the hardest days of my life. She was an anchor in my life and I couldn't imagine how my life would be without her in it. I miss her enormously still but I live with the daily hope that one day we will meet again and I am flooded with countless memories of home cooked meals and endless hugs. Of summer sleepovers with He-Haw, Jiffy-pop,  and late nights with Chiller theater... I can hear her laughter fill the room sometimes and see her gentle smile that made my child's heart feel such warmth. She has taught me that love has no limits and family is everything. Even after 13 years I am still 'letting go'....

God's desire isn't that we would hold on but to "let go", to trust Him and know that when we jump He will be there arms extended to catch us.
I think that when we've had little or no control over the things that has happened in our lives especially as children or teens our tendency is to do our very best to make sure we control every detail of every day in our lives not out of a rigidness but out of fear. The fear that now that I am older I will make sure that no one can hurt me again, but I have learned in doing that sometimes it backfires. I am starting to get it that people are people there are no perfect people out there there just aren't and no matter how bad you want them to live up to your expectations they are always going to let you down at some point because of their limitations as human beings. Now I am not saying I want to be a puppet master that would be crazy but sometimes if they could just listen to me and do what I want them to do then hey the world would function right again... Right?!   Hmmmm..... wrong! One of these days, when the time is right,  I will blog about why I am so mixed up and crazy, lol. But for now I will chalk it up for my need to hold onto with every fiber in my being some since of in my brain anyway normalcy. Which is crazy because if I had all the answers then I wouldn't need Jesus and I know that I need Him today more than ever!!! That He is my Anchor and my Safety when life is good and when life is not so good. 

"Letting Go" can symbolize freedom and liberty beyond our earthly comprehension! So... I'm going to take a deep breath, exhale, and LET GO!!!!! What about you?

Oh and I aways cherish those moments when the kids get the family albums out and we look though all the photos and tell them all about their great-Mamaw! <3 

1 comment:

  1. You don't sound mixed up and crazy to me. We all have our own stories and issues that we are dealing with. Trust is all we have sometimes. :O)